The sun struggling to break free from behind the clouds
Every Wed night we have a praise night out on the beach at Coney Island with all of the groups that are here. So we have a time of worship, some testimonies, a time of teaching, and then some small group time. Since we do it outdoors there's always the potential for strangers to drop in and for distractions to occur. This past Wed we had some very out of the ordinary exchanges with the locals. In total i believe we interacted with 4, though i'm only going to speak on 2.
As we were closing the night i was talking to the group about prayer. The verse i read to them, the theme verse for my CSM experience, was Ephesians 3:20, which i've talked about before. It reads,
"Now all glory to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask of hope." I also shared this story:
On Monday as we were going on our prayer tour it looked like it was going to rain. So our group prayed for it to stop. And it did. The next day it was getting kind of hot, so one of my kids, Matt, was like, "i wish it would rain" I did. So we blamed him for the rain and since they were supposed to do the immersion that night i told them that we needed sun. He prayed for sun and the rains stopped.
So then the leader, also named Matt, jokes with student Matt saying, "You pray for rain and God answers. You pray for sun and, again, God answers. Why aren't you praying for bigger things?" To this, student Matt responds, "I am."
When i heard this, i was floored. We could either choose to simply discard this as strange New York weather, or we could believe that maybe God really did answer our prayers. So many times we limit what God can do. Or maybe for one reason or another, we're simply afraid of asking him to move. God is huge, but i don't think we are going to really understand how big he is unless we invite him to show us.
With that i challenged the groups to be praying for big things. And that if we give God the opportunity to work, he's going to show us how powerful he actually is. We closed with the song, From the Inside Out (which we've done every single week so far because the other interns always request it and supposedly one of the groups did today as well). That was a truly amazing time of worship. We were all in one giant circle in the middle of the boardwalk with people singing their hearts out, eyes closed, hand lifted up, focused on God. It was so free.
Right after i finished praying to close the night, a local man steps in. Carlos is very polite, tells us he's sorry for bothering us, and asks us if we can pray for something. One of his friends was murdered a couple weeks ago and he wanted us to pray for Kareem, i believe he said his friend was named. I tell him of course we can and i turn to our group of around 100 and ask for 3 people to pray for Carlos and Kareem. We get the three volunteers and i ask all of us to bring it in tight as we prepare to pray with this man. At this point Carlos begins to talk more about what happened and how he was feeling. Soon he becomes very animated in his speech. The anger at the injustice boils out. He talks about the stereotypes black people face, getting more and more heated as he continues. He sees people walking by that he thinks are staring at him and he starts yelling about how he doesn't care what they think and that he could shoot them if he wanted to. He says something along the lines of 'i'm thinking about sacrificing everything in order to take revenge.'
I really don't know what to say to him. All the groups are in close around us and their presence there makes it that much harder for me to know how to handle the situation. But even though he was getting very angry, and this could be poor judgment on my part but, i never actually felt threatened by him. I was worried about how the kids might react and how their leaders might be perceiving the situation but i just didn't think he was going to actually do anything to us.
At some point i give him the offer to pray for/with him again, but he continues to just talk. Here, one of our group's leaders steps forward. He tells Carlos that tonight he had been praying to God for someone. And that he had no idea it would be Carlos, that even when Carlos entered our circle that he hadn't known it was him (later he would tell me that when he saw Carlos with his big white T he was saying to God that this couldn't be it). But when Carlos began telling his story, the leader knew this was the one. He tells Carlos that we all sympathize with him and his friend and that we are people who care for and love them. He tells Carlos that we don't think the system and the stereotypes are right. We try and pray but it just doesn't seem like Carlos wants to pray with us.
Eventually Carlos simply leaves our circle without ever having allowed us to pray with him over this whole situation. As he walks away he notes that this might be the last time we ever see him again. Letting him walk away from us like that just didn't sit well with me. I can still remember most of what he said to us and i can definitely remember all that i said to him. I wanted that opportunity to pray with him. I wanted him to be able to recognize God and receive the kind of love and peace that only God can give. It never really seemed like he wanted to be there praying with us. It seems like what he needed was just people to talk to. Afterwards some of our people were just talking about how he needed to vent and we were that group that was to allow him that opportunity. Carlos did mention something about how he was glad he had the opportunity to vent because he wasn't sure what he might do to get out that frustration. So though we were unsatisfied with how things ended with him, we hope that we were able to be a light for him during this dark time and that hopefully God did use us to minister to him.
After Carlos leaves, we're all still a bit stunned from the entire exchange. We decide that we need to still spend some time praying for Carlos and his friend. As we're getting ready to pray, there's another man who had joined our circle who speaks up. He asks us if we're about to pray and if he could slide a prayer request in as well. Of course we say sure. He tells us that he just buried his mother today and as he begins to talk he starts crying. So we pray for Carlos and then get to pray with this man as well. This kind of takes me back to the verse i shared earlier this week in my last entry, from Acts 4:23-31, where after praying for boldness and for the Lord's healing power, the Holy Spirit falls and the believers began preaching with boldness.
This is basically what happened. When we prayed for big things God answered us. He allowed us to minister to broken people and then sent his Spirit to us. As we were praying people all over began to weep and you knew that the Holy Spirit was at work within us. God is crazy. You pray for big things and this is what you get. I feel like tonight we got a taste of what the church in Acts was like. I know that lives were touched and seeds were sown. The rest i leave in God's hands and i trust that he is going to continue the work that we got to see a tiny glimpse of this evening.
This is the (brief) article about the death of Carlos' friend. The title "this time he loses gunfight" enraged Carlos.
Last night I came across this passage (Acts 4:23-31). This takes place right after Peter and John were held in prison for preaching about Jesus after they healed a man who had been lame since birth. After the two men are finally released they return to their Christian brothers/sisters and pray to God:
"And now, O Lord, hear their threats, and give your servants great boldness in their preaching. Send your healing power; may miraculous signs and wonders be done through the name of your holy servant Jesus."
After their prayer, the building where they were meeting shook, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, And they preached God's message with boldness.
At CSM NY we take our students on a day-long prayer tour, which we say is about 7-8 miles but in actuality is more like 10 (some of our leaders have had those step-counters). On this prayer tour we go from Battery Park looking out at the Statue of Liberty, to China Town/Little Italy, to Times Square, to Harlem, to the Bronx, to 5th Ave, to the World Trade Center site, and finally to/across the Brooklyn Bridge (a little over a mile alone). The purpose of this prayer tour is to try and see the city with God's eyes and God's heart and to pray for the different things we encounter. And at the same time we are also hitting some of the major touristy sites and so it's a great time for our groups as well.
After reading that passage last night the concept of prayer was really on my heart today. And by the end of the day I had come to realize how in the past few weeks I have definitely been drifting away from prayer. Sometimes i get so caught up in doing what i've been trained to do that i forget to seek God's specific purpose for my every action. On the Prayer Tour, for example, i saw how many times i could get stuck on just giving the groups all the information that i'm supposed to give them or to have the directions all figured out, instead of simply carrying forth what the purpose of the Prayer Tour is--to pray for God's city.
This is something i hope to work on over the rest of my stay here. I want to really pursue God in prayer and to constantly be seeking his will for my life.
To close, i want to give glory to God for the gracious weather he provided us. It was supposed to rain today and it was sprinkling a little in the morning. If the rain got too bad we would have been forced to switch our prayer tour to a not-as-exciting one. The rainy-day one is no fun. So our group prayed for sun. And we got it. The hottest part of the day was at the end of our day as we were crossing the bridge. As we were making that journey some of the kids were joking around asking God to bring back the rains. This, however, was not funny to me. I'm from L.A. man, so you know I can't do rain.
Being from LA, 9/11 really didn't mean that much to me. I was a freshman when it happened, it couldn't have been more then a couple weeks into the semester. I believe it was the first late start we had when my mom woke me up and told me a plane crashed into a ny building. at first i thought she was talking about a movie she was watching and i was like, that's great. when i saw it i couldn't believe it. i remember i was playing football that year and i was like, 'what's the point of playing football when things like this are happening around the world?' i told my coaches there were some things i had to figure out and i didn't go to practice that week. i even missed one of the games. i also went to a couple prayer meetings. but that was the extent of my reaction to the event.
Being in NY now it is completely different. Every time i've gone down to the wtc site my heart beat slows and i almost seem to stop breathing. to think of the devastation, the lives lost, and the countless number of lives that were affected both with deaths and jobs. it's unbelievable. 7 years and we are still struggling to recover. there's a fire station right across from the site, and the last time we were down there one of its doors was up. i hadn't seen this happen on my previous visits and what i saw was a private memorial to their fallen comrades. This is the reality they live in. Whenever they leave that station they will see this memorial. Every time they look across the street i'm sure they think of their friends they have lost.
There's a church that's a couple blocks away called St. Paul's. In the aftermath of 9/11, caring people from throughout the nation who wanted to help stayed in the church. This church is real old and it is said that George Washington used to attend it back when the capitol was in NY. anyway, inside it's basically a giant memorial to 9/11 with a bunch of stations set up. one is of a bunch of origami. i hadn't known this before, but one of my kids read that the origami was from Japanese school children. this caught me by surprise for as i'm sure you can recall the actions carried out by America during WWII. Furthermore, in the church there's a giant banner that reads "Oklahoma loves you" and has the signatures of many. I hadn't realized the significance of this before, but this group was from Oklahoma and one of my kids was reminding me of the Oklahoma city bombings. While i was going on my strike against football i'm glad other people were actually extending a sympathetic hand.
There's been something on my mind the last two days. I have two stories.
When groups come in one of the first things we do is go on a prayer tour. We take them around the city and have them engage in different activities, all the while praying for the city. One of the activities we have them do is to interview people about homelessness in Times Square. The reason we do this in Times Square is because with all there is to be distracted with it becomes easy to forget about those in need. So one of our groups decided to interview those UHO (United Homeless Organization) people who have booths on the street collecting money to give to the homeless. They figured, these people are collecting money so they have to have something to say about homeless. Instead, they found no answers are were directed to talk to other, supposed, "managers." It seemed kind of sketchy. After a quick search on UHO it does look pretty sketch.
Next, we came across a guy playing his bass on the street. We were across the way so we couldn't really always see what was going on but we were there for at least 10 minutes waiting on some group members. Whenever anyone would stop and listen to him he would pause and point at his bucket, indicating to the listener to donate money. This was okay. Then when one lady took a picture of him and began to walk away he jumped up and yelled, "HEY! SHOW SOME APPRECIATION!" The lady refused and the man continued to yell at her until she finally crossed the street. Back on our side of the street one of our boys actually did take a picture of him as well. And i'm pretty sure he saw this because he got up and started staring our way.
I'm not telling these stories because i want you to distrust the people on the street. Although, i'm not gonna lie. When i encounter people like this it makes me want to be skeptical of every person i encounter especially if they're asking for help. It also makes me feel like all they want is to use me for my money. I don't want to help these people. At times my thoughts go further then just ignoring them but hoping that they would somehow get what they deserve for what they are doing.
Needless to say, my capacity to love is about as great as the little puddles after it rains, whereas Jesus' love is the rain that fills my puddle (it was raining today. it's summer. why is it still raining? ny weather makes no sense.). One of the theme verses for this year at CSM comes from Luke 4:18-19:
"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has appointed me to preach Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the downtrodden will be freed from their oppressors, and that the time of hte Lord's favor has come."
If Jesus were here would he be angry at these people? Maybe. Would he ever stop helping them or doing all that he could to give them what they need? Probably not. This is where i fall short. I have my image of justice and i determine what i feel like is a worthy cause. I need Christ's love to consume me or else there is no way i could continue to pursue the life he has called me to.
this is the best group photo currently available off facebook. we obviously love NY
Ephesians 3:19 - "May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it."
Ephesians 3:20 - "By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask of hope."
God is huge. His love for us is greater than we will ever be able to understand. And his power is greater than we could even fathom. But to see his power we must ask him to show it to us. The more we seek after him and the more we ask him to reveal himself to us, the more we will see and come to understand of him.
I'm coming to realize how important having an open heart to God is. My biggest problem is that i always want to get what i feel like i'm entitled to. So when i don't get what i think i deserve or want, i get angry. This causes me to lose sight of what's important and of the life i have been called to. I just get too caught up in my own desires that i don't really try to listen to what God's trying to tell me. I feel like this is the greatest obstacle to me asking to see God move. When i get in a state like this sometimes i become too content in how i'm behaving, or too blind to realize how i am behaving, and i refuse to acknowledge God's desires in those situations.
My prayer for this summer is that God would really break me down. That i would be able to open myself more to him and allow him into the areas of my life that i have tried to keep him out of. And that he would not allow me to continue to run in my ignorance.
Song of the semester/year: In Your Freedom, by Hillsong United
The sun struggling to break free from behind the clouds
